Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The heart opens

Often during my high school days I saw myself left in amazement when I had so many so called crushes, which at the most lasted for not more than a week. I used to wonder how would it be to feel a real love. I used to wonder how different it might be from all those crushes I was having at the time. I doubted if falling for someone truly was possible. I doubted if all those ancient love stories we were told ever did exist. But at the end of the day, I used to envy those who said they were truly in love. I too wanted to feel that emotion. All in vain, for every time I thought I was in love I saw some reasons to get over with my feelings or sometimes without even a reason my feelings just faded away.

I waited for so long to fall in love with the true definition. Alas! came the day, now don't even remember which day or which occasion it happened. It sure was a joy, every smile given held the meaning of charm. Mornings begun with smile greeting your thoughts. Days were just a moment lost in the thoughts. All those thoughts where in, me and the guy living a life of eternity love.

The most hurt came when I had to face the fact that the boy who held my definition of love had his purpose for some other me. I, for a long time continued loving that person. I knew that wasn't the love which fate had set for me. Still I chose to do justice to my heart almost feeling against the so called fate. I thought loving someone doesn't anyway create the destination of wining his heart. So loving him without any expectations was what I did. Only I can tell how devastating it was to the little heart.

Life goes on and change inevitable. With passing time I felt the need to open my heart. For that going, I had to let go the lost love, rather unfounded love. The love which was never mine anyways. I let it go so much so that I was left with no emotions. Falling in love became a mile's story. Could not fall in love even when I wanted to. It was all good, for it might have prevented my second tragedy from coming into being.

My present; no feelings of any sort to anyone whatsoever. It is such a bliss to be free of the love emotion. Life has now become all about smile suddenly. All I care is the smile I hold. No hard feelings of any kind to the one I loved. I still love him but the reasons now being completely different, it is now from the extreme opposite perspective.

..and today I have some other reason to smile. Yet another person came by be me to fill my heart with reasons only to smile. Keeps me wondering how some unknown people could leave me this touched. How those talks could bring flavor to my otherwise happy smile. Guys! I tell you this is not love. I wouldn't care to answer if someone asks me ' what is it then, lotey?' all I can say is my purity at heart I can feel.

This person told me, tomorrow I will change my style of laughing and that I would no longer find the same charm in talking to him. I didn't deny the say. This might be a fact, I don't know..i seriously don't know. After all, it is life and change being the only law. But hey! tomorrow would be yet another story. So i  care not what tomorrow might hold but today's reason I wont forget for all times yet to come.


  1. Oh yes, every person passing by is a gush of wind, just that some gushes of wind stay longer than the rest making your life even more beautiful than ever.

    I quite well imagine you changing the tone of your laugter. Doesn't matter so long as you LAUGH!

  2. Aum Lotey! You will reach the stage where you can't take the weight of love and that's when you breathe out so peacefully and share with us her.I say, Love is in the air. Good Luck!


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