On his birthday

I feel special as I join you in celebrating your birthday this year. Hope each day you find reasons only to smile.

I know I have been moving a little fast recently but with each talk I have with you I just want to get more close.

I smile not because I am in love but because to me love is you.

Two years ago when we met, little did I know we would get this far. If surprises are this beautiful than I desire nothing more than few surprises of such kind in life, with each surprise beginning with your name.

So a very happy birthday to my dear boy Kinzang. Success and achievement awaits your coming.

My ever lasting love I gift you with intentions only to make you smile and I desire nothing in return but our togetherness.

Today as it is your special day I just want to let you know, YOU really are SPECIAL..to ME

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

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Of dreams and surprises

Some morning you wake up to find yourself that almost all your dreams have taken its phase to reality. Another time you feel, every grip you been holding might fall apart anytime soon, yet there is always an inner voice which wouldn't want you to just stare. Next morning you wake up to new dreams and hopes. Everyday is but a surprise, this surprise which associate yesterday to tomorrow is one definition to living, or the life.

Out of ordinary I dreamed of becoming a princess to one such prince. Things doesn't go our way all the time, and at times it is hard and we feel down hearted and dejected. Every sunrise has the touch of new existence, and sometimes these surprises are just so beautiful.

And you my boy, when you said I am an angel in your life, I was left with no words to speak. I thought deep and said to myself, may be those dreams I dreamed were never enough. Perhaps my dreams were just a little too less. Today I know somewhere far across the pacific you are missing me, but no worries my boy, tell you I miss you more.

If asked, the world might listen but i know there is only you who might actually hear me. When the world demands answer there is only one person who just want to answer instead. What more do I desire? Or what more do I got to say?

Expressions ain't willing to come out easily at times, speaking up your heart isn't that easy. :D all in all, sometimes, its just a little different. Yet those smiles keep shining, and sometimes you can almost feel it for yourself.

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Yet another end of academic year

Having come to the end of my fourth semester, it is such a relief. I remember, few months back I was waiting for my third semester exam to get over. Today I feel almost satisfied as I look back at the works I have done, and the pace I managed to hold. You know how sometime it gets hard to keep going. Lotey might be complaining, may be I am just a little too weak than a lot you, but then again who doesn't feel the burden at least once in a while.

The best I could do was not giving up and being able to take it to the end. This feeling of contentment is one another divine spirit that keep pushing me through with encouragement, and it only widens the enthusiasm in me.

Exam days we become restless. You sit down to study and hear some passers by outside, you need to peep through the window to catch a glimpse of who they are. Other days you hardly bother even if Mr president passes by your door. One hour of study and you are hungry, fifteen minutes and you want to have a cup of tea or coffee, some chips or an ice cream break. So meanwhile you gain some weight also.

Anyway talking about today, I am happy that it is all over and I am relaxed until I begin my next semester, good thing I have break over two months.

Was talking to my mom and she said she misses me a lot. I consoled her saying ' just one year and I will be home'. 'Just' as it might have sounded a word but I know its hard for you and me both. In here, the word 'just' and 'one year' doesn't quite relate. No worries ama, your daughter is going to be back soon more matured, more understanding, more hardworking and as a more responsible person (..lolz, these are actually my few wishes..hehe), but sure I am going be three years older then. One year is not so a short duration but I need to hold on a little more because I already did for two years.

Ohh again, from another angle it sure is a short duration. Last year this time of the year I remember me and my buddies, watching movie the whole afternoon, drinking the whole evening and cooking at 3 o'clock in the morning cuz by then we would all be hungry. Our sleep hours were usually from somewhere around 4 am till pass midday. Those days were awesome, guys! my three buddies, u guys are the coolest ever. This year has become a little different, but I still look forward to such moments in future as we still have one more year to go.

All in all, end of my second year :D

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Words that are; for you

Silence was what all my life became after I was heart broken one time. Out of the blue you came bringing all those forgotten meanings of living back to me. Playing music was what I used to do but with your coming, made me to hear those songs, and I can feel that those musics which I played thousand times did actually have a lot more to tell, more then what came up in the lyrics.

You say that your happiness is me being by your side, so then I assure you to be happy for all times to come. I may not follow you like the shadow but I do promise to be the breath you take. Sometimes I wonder if I can give you the happiness you deserve. If sometimes my limitations are into question then other times I am afraid of my humanly nature. Everyone of us is but just another human, so I hope if I am ever to let you down , do forgive me.

If the world was in my control I would hold you till your last breath, but tomorrow is never certain, the one pray i have this moment is that let our love last forever. While this is certain, hereafter don't forget that you being happy is my peace and a reason to live.

Having all time to myself was the best I used to have. I was happy for not having to divert my time to anyone important. And I thought life was pretty cool and relaxing that way. But now, thinking of you has become a part of my life, and I am happy to feel the happiness that proved much more greater then the smooth flowing life I once had. 

Thinking of you and smiling at your thoughts seem to be more beautiful then having all the world's time to myself. May be I never felt the essence of the living itself but/and, today I thank you for showering all these meanings in me. Never did I think I would love someone or for the word lets say fall in love. Today I can feel I am not loving you but I have once again fallen in love in a true sense and I am only glad that it is you.

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The time that is; just another chapter to lotey's life

'Is it going to rain?' I thought, bending my head backward a little as I tried to stare at the sky that signaled the approaching of a down pour. I smiled as I continued walking along the lonely road. After all rain isn't too bad, I have always loved rain. (more so if it was just a drizzle.. walking in its freshness on a evening like that would have meant much more than the living itself). It was already dusk, felt little tired from the day's schedule.

' Oh! few birds singing' I was caught. Gave one more smile to the thought of how beautiful the coming season would be. 'Spring is not a season but a reason to smile' I thought.

The nature was at its best perfection. It toured me to all its hidden charms. After all me and my thoughts were the only guest she had to worry about at that moment, no body was seen. Soon her beauty drove me away to my wonderland.

I kept walking, bent my head to watch my steps. I smiled again to the thoughts of nothing in particular.

I smiled to the words ' do keep smiling always cuz now here is someone who wants to see you smile and happy all the time' which read on my mobile this morning. I bit my lower lip and took a long blink as I breathed yet another fragrance of the nature which made me feel the touch of paradise. ' am I moving too fast, is this even me?' I wondered. ' am I really in love again after such a long break?' I smiled again. Kept smiling to the thoughts of the promises he made. ' did he really mean it when he said I will be by your side for all times to come' I was still smiling! ' am I doubting him?' I breathed hard. ' nope I am not, I can trust him I know' one another smile held. But hey! ' it would not be him or me who might, if ever, fail to keep the promises we made' I took another long breath. ' if the world is unfair by itself..what can I do, or anyone of us can do? May be, now I found my reason for existence' I shook my head a little and curved my smile a little bigger. ' Now all I have to do is to say, I love you too' I decided.

' life is pretty cool and beautiful if we meet the right person, we both wonder don't we?--but seldom in life two such good people get to life together ' oh! How I miss this friend of mine, I took a deeper breath. Friend I may call but this friendship is yet to be redefined. 'hey! what if life is all about chatting with someone whom we like talking to?' I smiled again remembering typing those words on my laptop. 'may be thats small part of life's happiness and a small part of the bigger purpose of mortality' I smiled again not really understanding the meaning it carried, whatever it may be, ah! he is one such person whose words I wont forget all my life. 'Defining his friendship might take many generations' I smiled again.

Well, how much can I write down? Cuz I smiled to many other reasons.

' where is my key?' pressing against the pocket realizing that I already reached home, I was brought back to reality!

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The heart opens

Often during my high school days I saw myself left in amazement when I had so many so called crushes, which at the most lasted for not more than a week. I used to wonder how would it be to feel a real love. I used to wonder how different it might be from all those crushes I was having at the time. I doubted if falling for someone truly was possible. I doubted if all those ancient love stories we were told ever did exist. But at the end of the day, I used to envy those who said they were truly in love. I too wanted to feel that emotion. All in vain, for every time I thought I was in love I saw some reasons to get over with my feelings or sometimes without even a reason my feelings just faded away.

I waited for so long to fall in love with the true definition. Alas! came the day, now don't even remember which day or which occasion it happened. It sure was a joy, every smile given held the meaning of charm. Mornings begun with smile greeting your thoughts. Days were just a moment lost in the thoughts. All those thoughts where in, me and the guy living a life of eternity love.

The most hurt came when I had to face the fact that the boy who held my definition of love had his purpose for some other me. I, for a long time continued loving that person. I knew that wasn't the love which fate had set for me. Still I chose to do justice to my heart almost feeling against the so called fate. I thought loving someone doesn't anyway create the destination of wining his heart. So loving him without any expectations was what I did. Only I can tell how devastating it was to the little heart.

Life goes on and change inevitable. With passing time I felt the need to open my heart. For that going, I had to let go the lost love, rather unfounded love. The love which was never mine anyways. I let it go so much so that I was left with no emotions. Falling in love became a mile's story. Could not fall in love even when I wanted to. It was all good, for it might have prevented my second tragedy from coming into being.

My present; no feelings of any sort to anyone whatsoever. It is such a bliss to be free of the love emotion. Life has now become all about smile suddenly. All I care is the smile I hold. No hard feelings of any kind to the one I loved. I still love him but the reasons now being completely different, it is now from the extreme opposite perspective.

..and today I have some other reason to smile. Yet another person came by be me to fill my heart with reasons only to smile. Keeps me wondering how some unknown people could leave me this touched. How those talks could bring flavor to my otherwise happy smile. Guys! I tell you this is not love. I wouldn't care to answer if someone asks me ' what is it then, lotey?' all I can say is my purity at heart I can feel.

This person told me, tomorrow I will change my style of laughing and that I would no longer find the same charm in talking to him. I didn't deny the say. This might be a fact, I don't know..i seriously don't know. After all, it is life and change being the only law. But hey! tomorrow would be yet another story. So i  care not what tomorrow might hold but today's reason I wont forget for all times yet to come.

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This moment!

I live for today, for my past gives me pain. Happy or sad, memories are always a pain. Sorrows of those sad days rejuvenate as I flash back the days. Those happy little moments brings me nostalgia. But this moment, the very present is the moment I want to smile, is the moment I have.

The dreams of yesterday are lost and to compensate the loss I am dreaming some new ones, which might take a little time before it come into existence. So that is going to be my future, which we all know is never certain. The best anyone can do is to keep trying and hoping. Thats important.

However, all these are either past which we want to forget, take it as an experience or cherish as a memory or the future which I say is still on its way. So the one we have is this moment. It belongs to no one. Not to anyone, it doesn't even belong to your own past or the future. It is the moment you have, I have.

Bring our thoughts to the present to create a better chance of reaching the goals. Today might be simple, as in the saying 'grasses are always greener on the other side' and you might just want to be in the future where it is created greener on your mind. Today is going to matter when tomorrow comes, for life is but a succession of many todays. When tomorrow comes today's smile is going to count, for happiness is but the collection of our smiles.

PS; by the way this is my today! Doing nothing meaningful haha :D

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