Words that are; for you

Silence was what all my life became after I was heart broken one time. Out of the blue you came bringing all those forgotten meanings of living back to me. Playing music was what I used to do but with your coming, made me to hear those songs, and I can feel that those musics which I played thousand times did actually have a lot more to tell, more then what came up in the lyrics.

You say that your happiness is me being by your side, so then I assure you to be happy for all times to come. I may not follow you like the shadow but I do promise to be the breath you take. Sometimes I wonder if I can give you the happiness you deserve. If sometimes my limitations are into question then other times I am afraid of my humanly nature. Everyone of us is but just another human, so I hope if I am ever to let you down , do forgive me.

If the world was in my control I would hold you till your last breath, but tomorrow is never certain, the one pray i have this moment is that let our love last forever. While this is certain, hereafter don't forget that you being happy is my peace and a reason to live.

Having all time to myself was the best I used to have. I was happy for not having to divert my time to anyone important. And I thought life was pretty cool and relaxing that way. But now, thinking of you has become a part of my life, and I am happy to feel the happiness that proved much more greater then the smooth flowing life I once had. 

Thinking of you and smiling at your thoughts seem to be more beautiful then having all the world's time to myself. May be I never felt the essence of the living itself but/and, today I thank you for showering all these meanings in me. Never did I think I would love someone or for the word lets say fall in love. Today I can feel I am not loving you but I have once again fallen in love in a true sense and I am only glad that it is you.

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The time that is; just another chapter to lotey's life

'Is it going to rain?' I thought, bending my head backward a little as I tried to stare at the sky that signaled the approaching of a down pour. I smiled as I continued walking along the lonely road. After all rain isn't too bad, I have always loved rain. (more so if it was just a drizzle.. walking in its freshness on a evening like that would have meant much more than the living itself). It was already dusk, felt little tired from the day's schedule.

' Oh! few birds singing' I was caught. Gave one more smile to the thought of how beautiful the coming season would be. 'Spring is not a season but a reason to smile' I thought.

The nature was at its best perfection. It toured me to all its hidden charms. After all me and my thoughts were the only guest she had to worry about at that moment, no body was seen. Soon her beauty drove me away to my wonderland.

I kept walking, bent my head to watch my steps. I smiled again to the thoughts of nothing in particular.

I smiled to the words ' do keep smiling always cuz now here is someone who wants to see you smile and happy all the time' which read on my mobile this morning. I bit my lower lip and took a long blink as I breathed yet another fragrance of the nature which made me feel the touch of paradise. ' am I moving too fast, is this even me?' I wondered. ' am I really in love again after such a long break?' I smiled again. Kept smiling to the thoughts of the promises he made. ' did he really mean it when he said I will be by your side for all times to come' I was still smiling! ' am I doubting him?' I breathed hard. ' nope I am not, I can trust him I know' one another smile held. But hey! ' it would not be him or me who might, if ever, fail to keep the promises we made' I took another long breath. ' if the world is unfair by itself..what can I do, or anyone of us can do? May be, now I found my reason for existence' I shook my head a little and curved my smile a little bigger. ' Now all I have to do is to say, I love you too' I decided.

' life is pretty cool and beautiful if we meet the right person, we both wonder don't we?--but seldom in life two such good people get to life together ' oh! How I miss this friend of mine, I took a deeper breath. Friend I may call but this friendship is yet to be redefined. 'hey! what if life is all about chatting with someone whom we like talking to?' I smiled again remembering typing those words on my laptop. 'may be thats small part of life's happiness and a small part of the bigger purpose of mortality' I smiled again not really understanding the meaning it carried, whatever it may be, ah! he is one such person whose words I wont forget all my life. 'Defining his friendship might take many generations' I smiled again.

Well, how much can I write down? Cuz I smiled to many other reasons.

' where is my key?' pressing against the pocket realizing that I already reached home, I was brought back to reality!

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The heart opens

Often during my high school days I saw myself left in amazement when I had so many so called crushes, which at the most lasted for not more than a week. I used to wonder how would it be to feel a real love. I used to wonder how different it might be from all those crushes I was having at the time. I doubted if falling for someone truly was possible. I doubted if all those ancient love stories we were told ever did exist. But at the end of the day, I used to envy those who said they were truly in love. I too wanted to feel that emotion. All in vain, for every time I thought I was in love I saw some reasons to get over with my feelings or sometimes without even a reason my feelings just faded away.

I waited for so long to fall in love with the true definition. Alas! came the day, now don't even remember which day or which occasion it happened. It sure was a joy, every smile given held the meaning of charm. Mornings begun with smile greeting your thoughts. Days were just a moment lost in the thoughts. All those thoughts where in, me and the guy living a life of eternity love.

The most hurt came when I had to face the fact that the boy who held my definition of love had his purpose for some other me. I, for a long time continued loving that person. I knew that wasn't the love which fate had set for me. Still I chose to do justice to my heart almost feeling against the so called fate. I thought loving someone doesn't anyway create the destination of wining his heart. So loving him without any expectations was what I did. Only I can tell how devastating it was to the little heart.

Life goes on and change inevitable. With passing time I felt the need to open my heart. For that going, I had to let go the lost love, rather unfounded love. The love which was never mine anyways. I let it go so much so that I was left with no emotions. Falling in love became a mile's story. Could not fall in love even when I wanted to. It was all good, for it might have prevented my second tragedy from coming into being.

My present; no feelings of any sort to anyone whatsoever. It is such a bliss to be free of the love emotion. Life has now become all about smile suddenly. All I care is the smile I hold. No hard feelings of any kind to the one I loved. I still love him but the reasons now being completely different, it is now from the extreme opposite perspective.

..and today I have some other reason to smile. Yet another person came by be me to fill my heart with reasons only to smile. Keeps me wondering how some unknown people could leave me this touched. How those talks could bring flavor to my otherwise happy smile. Guys! I tell you this is not love. I wouldn't care to answer if someone asks me ' what is it then, lotey?' all I can say is my purity at heart I can feel.

This person told me, tomorrow I will change my style of laughing and that I would no longer find the same charm in talking to him. I didn't deny the say. This might be a fact, I don't know..i seriously don't know. After all, it is life and change being the only law. But hey! tomorrow would be yet another story. So i  care not what tomorrow might hold but today's reason I wont forget for all times yet to come.

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This moment!

I live for today, for my past gives me pain. Happy or sad, memories are always a pain. Sorrows of those sad days rejuvenate as I flash back the days. Those happy little moments brings me nostalgia. But this moment, the very present is the moment I want to smile, is the moment I have.

The dreams of yesterday are lost and to compensate the loss I am dreaming some new ones, which might take a little time before it come into existence. So that is going to be my future, which we all know is never certain. The best anyone can do is to keep trying and hoping. Thats important.

However, all these are either past which we want to forget, take it as an experience or cherish as a memory or the future which I say is still on its way. So the one we have is this moment. It belongs to no one. Not to anyone, it doesn't even belong to your own past or the future. It is the moment you have, I have.

Bring our thoughts to the present to create a better chance of reaching the goals. Today might be simple, as in the saying 'grasses are always greener on the other side' and you might just want to be in the future where it is created greener on your mind. Today is going to matter when tomorrow comes, for life is but a succession of many todays. When tomorrow comes today's smile is going to count, for happiness is but the collection of our smiles.

PS; by the way this is my today! Doing nothing meaningful haha :D

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Out of nothing!

As I came back from the university, exhausted and hungry;
I meet my friend in front of the door, she sees my assignment grade and shouts ' ohh my god', as if I murdered her child. She always brags bout getting high distinction during all her college life. What is there to be so much of ' ohh my god ' in my getting B negative. After all I didn't even fail.

Often I am left in amazement with some people's self centeredness. Not that friend I am talking bout, it is yet another person who is self centered. I wonder if they are human. Well of course this is the very human nature in fact. I am not saying I am good, I do feel like a devil myself when I come across some real humble people. But some are just too much. Some scoundrels doesn't even want take their girlfriend at gatherings, because they think she is not good enough. Some worthless girls wait for silly reasons to breakup with their boy so that they can run after some rascals. I wouldn't care if all those idiots burn in hell.

I love sleeping, people often say 75 percent of my life is spend sleeping. Yet, it is no surprising if I wake up as early as 6 o'clock in the morning of some important occasion . I am very careless by birth, I don't even remember where I keep my pens, most of the time in the class, or at home when I am to write my homework I would be looking out for my pen for hours or sometimes the book itself would be left in the class. Yet, it is no surprising when I turn up with everything needed on the day of my final exam.

Why am I writing all these stuff here? even I don't know. When I am suppose to be doing my assignment I am here writing this article as if I want to become a writer. I should be somewhere in the physics lab cleaving some fibers and coupling them together and getting the wrong result or nothing at all at the end of the experiment, instead of trying to write something out of nothing. Oh! life isn't fun all the time, still I smile most of the time. I better get back when I have something good to share.

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The indefinable emotion

I thought he was strange. As we became friends I thought he was cool. When I came to know him more, he seemed funny. When he started having crush on me he looked shy. Very sweet

One fine evening he wanted to see me, I hoped ok..a casual talk may be. To my fear he proposed me. I was not able to say anything as I knew I liked that person but not more than a friend. I always had the fear that this might happen someday. So much innocence and so much truth in the words. I could sense how much he meant when he said 'you are the one' More then the words his eye spoke.

Why but why couldn't I love him? He was good looking, he was a true lover, he cared for me and I knew I was the only one to him. He told me I was the most beautiful girl he ever saw ( shall never hear such words from any other person on the planet). Anything I do was an amazement to him.

People doesn't have reason as to what they fall in love. And that time I did not have the reason why I could not fall in love. The fact that we are not from the same country was the least possible reason.

When he left I could see tears falling down his cheek. It did hurt me, but again I do not want to love him out of sympathy. As much as I don't want to be loved by someone just because I love him, I don't want to love somebody for the reasons of loving me. As much as I wanted to love him, I couldn't lie to myself. More so he deserves someone better, someone who will come with a true heart and embrace all his pain.

As I write this article today, I don't miss him but I sure do feel bad for not being able to love him and hurting him unintentionally. What can anyone do? For love is but all about pain and tears. Until I find a way to understand love from a new angle, thats all I can say..love is to hurt and to be hurt.

If only my heart can fall in love with the person who loves me. If only love is all about smiling. If only love is something to be returned in response for something given. If only the heart doesn't have her own mind when it comes to falling in love. If only falling in love is so easy. If only love has a definition.

PS; “...but i am not the man your heart is missing, thats why you go away I know..yes I know..” and with this song lotey is going to sleep!

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We and the doings

How many more are left to be blamed? For how long are you going to keep blaming?who is responsible? The creator himself, your spouse, you family, friends or the fate? Etc etc.. One thing we must realize is whatever were (or are) the causes of our current position, the first decision came from our own self. Every circumstances that one face today are but the cause of choices made yesterday.

To feel whether the environment surrounding one to be good or bad just depends on one's perception. Depends on whether you want to take in all the possible good views or see only the repulsive ones. Everything that is happening with you, good or bad, is just around you alone. How you want to see, so you see. Many times our knowledge bout the world is limited to/by our perception and interpretation.

It is not the girlfriends leaving their boyfriend for a better one, nor it is the boyfriends cheating on their girl. Let us say it is the human beings doing that.

Therefore its no time to keep blaming some other person for everything that happened and somethings that didn't happen. Its time we make our own fortune. Everyone has equal right to be happy, for there is just one life and we don't want live a sorry life. Do we?

Let us make our loved ones proud of us. Lets do something meaningful to bring smile on our parents face. Our parents must have done so many sacrifices to meet our demands and desires. So do they not deserve a little in return? Paying back is simple. Do something beneficial to oneself and our parents are more than happy. Lets do it for our brother/sister(s) who always wanted their siblings to do better then her colleague's sister. For some, whose elders might have taken the parents role in bringing up their younger ones. Do they all not deserve something in return? And that something is easy to give, as I said, by simply taking our life in the right direction.

In course of making our loved ones happy, one might not realize how much one have already achieved for oneself. This way, one fine day you will have a reason to smile at yourself and that time, feeling proud bout oneself wont be any wrong.

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the much dedicated poem

Three days back I wrote a poem dedicated to one of my close friends. Well actually to tell, it wasn't much of a poem. Was just some random lines which came up upon visiting his profile on one of the social networking site. That friend sounded a little stressed in the message he sent to me. So I thought I might cheer him up with that stupid poem of mine.

Haha.. unfortunately, i didn't realize thats gonna piss him off instead. Aww..my poem and also my poor friend, he didn't have the strength to withstand my nonsense. Wasn't intended to annoy him, but yeah somethings always turn out opposite. Lol..i must say poorer me, my poem got busted.

Haha anyway I am wondering, am I so bad at writing poems? it was a bad writing..i accept. My sweet little friend. Aww me and the skills..sigh! Its bad..labsa its cool..haha

I better stop writing poems or else, someday some frineds surely gonna stab me..

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5th oct, the walk

And today evening as I was taking a walk, just me alone. Those trees really got something to share. I could feel that winter has already said good bye. The leaves seem to smell more refreshing like never before. I lost there in the glory of nature in the dusk. My thoughts wondered..lost in the fragrance of nature's beauty.

I could feel how fast the time flies. Spring is here, another reminder as to how fast the time passes, with achievements received only half, and my own potential half explored.

I was telling myself that I could have done a lot more than what I did in actual. I realized in due time of procrastinating work I already lost a lot of time and potential.

Well I know this happens not just with me but to everyone. Always our capacity and abilities remain half utilized and to that we regret knowing how much more we could have achieved had we made full use of our intelligence, capability, ability and all the those words you can think of.

Yet, I know this season will pass by us with just the same flaws. Anyway, every season is a season of new hopes and dreams.

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The trust within

Every fall gives you an opportunity to rise. Dreams may seem far and hope almost dying, but still who doesn't keep hope? Hope while losing hope.

Hard work is the only way to success. Without hard work no miracle is going to happen. More importantly, your attitude can get you where you want to be. The foremost quality in one should be having faith in oneself.

Believe in oneself is the cause of enthusiasm, which thereby leads to achievement. When one believe in oneself, every fall opens an opportunity. When one has the believe in oneself, he wouldn't fear even when he knows there is lot to fear.

With this believe one shall be smiling someday ( hopefully..hehe).

Still more, if you are compassionate, have respect to elders, regards to young and understanding to the peers then, you become a real person. Definition for beauty thus sum up!

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As they revisit

Year 2006 was the best of times for them. Yangki , Yangchen and Penjor happened to be class mates. They had their own circle of friends but the three together formed one wonderfully funny group. The three had vastly different characters, yet they had so much in common. All three of them talked too much and they all had extremely high sense of humor. They came from a completely different parental background. In fact, they rooted from different regions. Yangki from the western central, Yangchen from the northern and Penjor from the east. As much as they hate to study they enjoyed being in school. Everyday was another day of fun and laughter. They used to laugh over every single talk they shared. Yangchen despite being the youngest knew what was to be done at what time, but she was too innocent or rather carefree to care bout her doings and sayings. Yangki had this weired character, she hardly knew what was going on with herself in the first place. Penjor hardly cared about anything whatsoever the situation was. They teased, made fun and laughed at each other's jokes and inabilities. Sometimes they argued over topics that hardly contained any importance to the outside world. At times it was fun for Yangki and Yangchen to pretend that they were hurt and angry over something Penjor did or said. All in all, those were the best of days. Sharing such moments had its own danger side. Yangchen sometimes doubted herself that she was falling in love with Penjor. She revealed in jest sometimes that she liked Penjor. Penjor was careful, he hardly saw any truth in it. He assumed it to be just another prank from the two girls. Yangki too considered it to be Yangchen's one way of teasing Penjor. May be it was just an infatuation. Even Yangki had those strange feeling towards Penjor. Even during the weekends she used to miss Penjor's silly jokes. The word love did not occurr to her mind anyways. May be she was too careful to fall in love. Penjor wondered what was going on with the two girls. He too felt a sense of belongingness with the two girls. However, the fact 'everything has an end to it' played its role. They finally graduated their high school. As much as their jolly nature, they all were quite bright students. They finished with good grades. They are now studying in different colleges. Yangki now realized that she had loved Penjor all the way along. She misses the time they had. No fairy tale miracle worked out for her love though she truly felt for Penjor. Penjor now has a girlfriend and he loves her dearly. Yangki has moved on as well. She wouldn't dare let him know bout the feelings she is having although she doubt Penjor might have also had some soft corner for her. While for Yangchen, despite having told bout her feelings for Penjor in half joke, they didn't hook up together. She too got a boyfriend now. Penjor on the other side, could not understand the friendship he had shared with the two girls. Everyone seem to have moved on with life. They are all happy with the present days as well. Still, those good times they always remembered. They make visit at times to those fun days they had shared, bringing nostalgia. They wished sometimes if they could turn back time. Revisiting their gone by days made them understand each other better. They gave more thought to the words they had spoken. They realized, perhaps, there was always some truth when Yangchen said she liked Penjor. Perhaps, there always had been some true feelings for Penjor under Yangki's innocent smile. Perhaps, Penjor too had lost a part of him to the two darlings. While they are keeping hope to meet someday, they are in touch, separated by oceans and mountains! and when they meet, days are never going to be the same like before PS; '..when the blue night is over my face..on the dark side of the world in space..when I'm all alone with the stars above..you are the one I love..bla bla..' goes on MLTR on my PC as I write this article.

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